Bitterness...

Ok, I'll admit it. Its the area I need to turn over to God. I'm working on it. Ephesians says:

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:31-32

I don't have a problem being tenderhearted. I am that way with my worst enemy. I can't stand to see anyone in pain. But it doesn't stop me from being bitter, hurt and angry when I feel betrayed. I know that God works all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose, so I know that God is working through people to hone me into the woman He wants me to be.

The problem is I have imaginary arguments with these people in my head. Sometimes I am cutting them down with cold hard logic, sometimes I am screaming angrily, berating them and killing them with words. In my head, the people who have "done me wrong" not only hurt me directly, but my lively imagination leads me to believe they are in collusion with others. In my imagination, they have conversations with others where I am the topic of derision. This is a lie of Satan, but it breeds bitterness, hurt and anger.

Some days are better than others. I see these people the way God sees them: as people who are also hurting. But some days the hurt and pain take over and its all I can do to get out of bed. I have a tremendous amount of pride, and I would never want someone to know just how badly I've been hurt by something they said or did. All I can say is God is working on me. I can only continuously turn this over to Him.

Last night in my lifegroup someone made the comment "You never know what is going on in someone's head. They can be all smiles and happiness on the outside, and inside they are a bundle of pain." My head snapped up and I thought, "Man, you just said a MOUTHFUL!"

So when someone does something to you, talks about you, slanders you, or is just plain rude and hurtful, remember my friend Josie's favorite saying: "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." Turn it over to God. Remember Ephesians 4:31-32. More than that, remember Jesus went through all of this too.