Monday, September 28, 2009

God's weird sense of humor....

Evidently putting a status on Facebook like: "I'm moving to Riverview. God has a weird sense of humor..." starts controversy. Somewhere, someone believes that using the name of God and the word "weird" in the same sentence, is the height of blasphemy.

Here is the argument (last names blocked out for privacy purposes, of course):

So my question is: Do you think God's will involve humor or not? Leave me comments. :)


PS. Don't call me Gill. I hate it.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Stats Stink Sunday...

Seriously, if you don't know the drill, dive into my archives...

1. Still on the emotional rollercoaster. Only thing I can say is I'm taking this one moment at a time. Right now I'm great, but an hour from now, maybe not. So just taking it moment by moment and looking to God, my creator, to help me sort it all out. At this point there are a very large number of things going on that make me feel like I'm getting hit on all sides. I am leaning heavily on the Word and on God's truth. Otherwise, I'd be writing this from a mental institution.

2. On Tuesday, out of crippling depression, came a "modern" story that I needed to write for my lit class. It is one of the best things I have ever written. I wonder if I need to trade in my happy self for some real writing talent. I think I'd rather be happy. There was nothing really encouraging about the story I wrote. (and because of that, no, I WON'T be publishing it here...)

3. My apartment is a mess of empty boxes and stuff sitting in stacks all over. I can't wait to move already. Could have something to do with all the mood swings -- I prefer stability, and right now I feel pretty unstable.

4. Since I have always eaten emotionally, I am speculating that a lot of the depression and mood swings is also coming out of the weight loss. As the layers of fat are coming off, so are the emotions they used to suppress... I really need to start working out again. It will get the endorphins going.

5. God is good, all the time. I posted yesterday about struggling with bitterness. I went to church last night and the pastor was talking about reaping what you sow. I realize that I am an overcomer in Christ, and what I am currently sowing in my walk with God will yield good harvest 10 years from now. If I continue to sow seeds of bitterness and hatred, I will reap a sour harvest at some point in the future. God will not let us wallow in sin and self indulgence. He will intervene for the good of His children. He sent me Ephesians 4:31-32 to highlight an area I need to work on. As I turn this over to Him daily, I can recognize the lies of the enemy much faster, and remove the bad seed.

6. I am totally procrastinating my homework, so I'm closing this NOW. :0) Stay tuned for more "deep thoughts" (not really) later in the week.


Saturday, September 26, 2009


Ok, I'll admit it. Its the area I need to turn over to God. I'm working on it. Ephesians says:

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:31-32

I don't have a problem being tenderhearted. I am that way with my worst enemy. I can't stand to see anyone in pain. But it doesn't stop me from being bitter, hurt and angry when I feel betrayed. I know that God works all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose, so I know that God is working through people to hone me into the woman He wants me to be.

The problem is I have imaginary arguments with these people in my head. Sometimes I am cutting them down with cold hard logic, sometimes I am screaming angrily, berating them and killing them with words. In my head, the people who have "done me wrong" not only hurt me directly, but my lively imagination leads me to believe they are in collusion with others. In my imagination, they have conversations with others where I am the topic of derision. This is a lie of Satan, but it breeds bitterness, hurt and anger.

Some days are better than others. I see these people the way God sees them: as people who are also hurting. But some days the hurt and pain take over and its all I can do to get out of bed. I have a tremendous amount of pride, and I would never want someone to know just how badly I've been hurt by something they said or did. All I can say is God is working on me. I can only continuously turn this over to Him.

Last night in my lifegroup someone made the comment "You never know what is going on in someone's head. They can be all smiles and happiness on the outside, and inside they are a bundle of pain." My head snapped up and I thought, "Man, you just said a MOUTHFUL!"

So when someone does something to you, talks about you, slanders you, or is just plain rude and hurtful, remember my friend Josie's favorite saying: "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." Turn it over to God. Remember Ephesians 4:31-32. More than that, remember Jesus went through all of this too.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Stats Stink Sunday...

Yah, still the same drill:

1. In the middle of reading Virginia Woolf's Jacob's Room. Very confusing. Reminds me of those pictograms my Dad used to go ape over...You know, the ones where you see these bright, geometrical designs, but a picture is hidden in the background and you have to unfocus your eyes to actually see it?

2. My sinuses are still draining. I'm ready for this to be OVER.

3. I finally hooked up my laptop to my new tv. Now I can use the tv as an external monitor. I can also use my laptop to play dvds on my tv. Hooray for modern technology. I can't believe I put up with that old tube tv for a whole year.

4. I found out that if I unplug the sound connector that hooks my laptop to the tv sound system, I can plug it into my ipod and play my ipod through my tv speakers. Awesome. Welcome to techonology 2009, Gillian.

5. I went to a partylight party Saturday night and won the door prize. Woohoo!! Since I never win ANYTHING, I was quite pleased. It is a silver lamp. Will look v nice in my new room. When I get to the new room, I'll post pics.

6. Went to Ikea today and am going to spring for a new bedframe, dresser, shelving units, desk and chair when I move in with Tonya. Just doing my part to contribute to economic recovery, y'all...

7. Sick of living in apartments. Looking forward to moving in with Tonya and living in a HOUSE!!!

God's Discipline...

Last Saturday was my first official weekend at the Crossings. I was feeling a little stabby and resentful about going, and was having a very passive-aggressive reaction. I told God, "Ok, I'll GO to services, and attend Divorce Care, but I'm NOT getting involved in any other way until after Divorce Care is over!!" Yeah, right.

Last weekend's service was all about getting involved in a "life group". Life groups are small groups that meet in someone's home once a week. The Crossing has hundreds to choose from, depending on the night you prefer meeting, and the area where you want to meet. Pastor Greg was talking about how you need the protection, challenge and accountability of strong fellowships, referencing Ecclesiastes 4:8-12 (among others).

They had a kiosk set up in the lobby with pamphlets for each life group. I grabbed a pamphlet for the only South Tampa meeting on a Friday night, and a few that are meeting down in Riverview. Since I'm not moving until the end of October, I was on the fence about where to go and what to do. On Sunday, I called the couple hosting the South Tampa life group, and had to leave a message. I called again Tuesday night, no answer. I was a little wary at this point, and wasn't sure what to do. Friday morning I finally got a call back: somehow she had missed my message from Sunday and had just listened to it that morning.

I went, and was overwhelmed by how God works in each and every one of our lives. The group varies in age and their stories are soooo powerful. I felt instantly at home with all of these people, and the sense of community is awesome. I can definitely see that I am going to be challenged to grow and develop in this church. God knows what He is doing: I am being ministered to in divorce care on Tuesday nights (and yes, I definitely need this -- I have no idea why I was in denial for so long), and I am going to be challenged to dig deeper into the Word on Friday nights and in Sunday services.

The church has a couple of really cool classes. One is for new believers, called The Journey, which teaches basic Bible facts, and gets them settled on a firm Biblical foundation. The other is for newcomers, called 26.2, which helps them uncover their spiritual gifts and meet the leaders of the different ministries so they can get plugged in to serve. The next 26.2 starts October 11, and I will be going.

I am blessed beyond measure, and I know that God's discipline is painful when it comes, but it is always for our GOOD. I am so excited about the future!!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


So its been a raw week...lots of ups and downs. It started last Wednesday when I woke up a 4am feeling like I had razor blades in my throat. Turns out it was a sinus infection. Caught it fairly early, so I should be in good shape for not missing work. Plus, found out the official weight loss is up to 72lbs. Not a bad day. I'm contagious, so I get to work from home on Wednesday.

Thursday I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a Mac truck. Called out sick. Slept most of the morning. I ended up going to class Thursday night, only because I was getting a little stir crazy in my apartment. I had a scheduled day off on Friday, so I slept in, took it easy.

Friday night and Saturday morning, FBL had a Women's Conference called: Women who Trust. It was awesome!! For me, it was confirmation that I heard God correctly when I heard Him tell me to change churches and move to Riverview. I am taking a leap of dangerous faith since I love living by myself, and would never have thought that being in a new church would be a good thing for me at this stage in my life.

Saturday night (still feeling pretty yukky) I went to The Crossing for service. Now, I'm a little stubborn, and rather passive-aggressive at times. When I knew God was calling me there, I got an attitude...I was thinking, "Okay, God, I'll go, cause you're telling me. I'll even be happy because I know it's Your will, but I'm NOT jumping right into ANYTHING. I'll get involved after my divorce care class is over." (That will be in December.) The message was all about getting involved in a LifeCare group. NOW. Oy vey, I give up. I'm not going to stubbornly ignore God THIS time -- Life's too painful when I do that.

Sunday I slept in for the first time in almost 5 was lovely.

My emotions really are on a roller coaster at the moment. It's better now than it was a month ago, when I was wallowing in my funk. I think it'll be a couple of more weeks until they stabilize again. I've been badly hurt, and I need to take time to heal. (Divorce care says 1 year for every 4 years of marriage...) One thing I've learned: I can't rush the healing process. (Cue the music: Only LOVE can Break the HEART, only LOVE can MEND it agaaaiiinnnn.) I've been broken, and only God and His love can put me back together, and make me function better than before.


Sunday, September 13, 2009


1. So I was pretty sick this week. Disappointing, since I was off Monday and Friday, and I ended up working from home on Wednesday and calling out sick Thursday. I hate calling out sick. I wanted to go to work because I have some interesting projects going. I was off on Friday anyway, but I spent the majority of the day battling my sinuses.

2. Friday was the 8th anniversary of the infamous 9-11 terrorist attack on the United States. This attack affected our entire country, destroyed our sense of safety, and has forever changed our definition of homeland security.

3. Football started Thursday night. I realized I still love the game, still miss Philly and its CRAZY fans, miss having someone to watch it with me.

4. Was at Westshore Pizza yesterday picking up a slice when a guy walks in with a black shirt printed with a Flyers logo (in black and grey) and a clover in the center. My face lit up and I think I said, FLYERS!! He laughed and said something about an "irish team". I left with my slice, and a longing for the crisp, cool, northern autumn air and all it portends in the sports world.

5. My life took a very drastic turn in the past couple of weeks. I had plans at the beginning of summer -- plans I believed that God was revealing slowly but surely. I have prayed all summer over where to live, how to proceed in ministry and what God wants for me, and from me. Turns out the plan changed. I am moving to Riverview, which is probably a 50 minute drive from Lutz, and I am now in a new church (The Crossing). It is AWESOME, and exactly what I need right now. I will miss my FBCL family, but I have some growing and stretching to do. It's not going to be easy -- I suspect there will be some extremely painful moments -- but I know that God has only the best for me, and I trust Him.

Friday, September 11, 2009

We will never forget...9-11

Many other people will be posting personal accounts, and poignant memories of where they were and how they were affected by the terrorist attacks on 9/11/01. I didn't lose any friends or coworkers that day, but here's some strong memories:

  1. The silence of the skies. There were no more airplanes flying overhead.
  2. The feeling of loneliness. I had just moved to Georgia, I had not made friends yet, had no family there, and Chris was in Connecticut unable to fly home. I wasn't used to being alone during a crisis.
  3. The surge of patriotism that followed. People had the Stars and Stripes flying from their cars, pinned to their clothing and hanging in every window. I remember longing to just take a road trip and photograph it all for posterity.
  4. The surge of revival. Churches got flooded. That tide seems to have ebbed as time and distance work their magic and have dulled our senses.
Where ever you are, whatever you do, always take a moment on 9/11 to stop and remember the lives lost, the hatred that spurred it, and the war that has followed. Never forget.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Microwaves and Cell phones only mix if you're three...

Text messages between me and my friend Sandi:

Sandi: My kids have never put pb sandwich in VCR or toys n toilet, but Hanna did cook Jesse's phone in microwave.

Me: OMG!! Is it totally fried??

Sandi: Yup! It smokes when you try 2 turn it on!
Sandi: Even the microwave is toast

Me: LOLOLOLOL!!!! Sorry. LOLOLOL!! You know I'm totally blogging this.

Sandi: What's a blog?

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Stats Stink Sunday

Ok, if you don't know the rules by now, read my archive...I'm too lazy to say this each week...

Welcome to Stats Stink Sundays where everything is random because noone reads it anyways...Just put a bunch of random thoughts in bullet points and you're done.

  1. It was a busy, exhausting week. I was happy when the weekend arrived.
  2. I had to buy a new work wardrobe because I've shrunk out of all my work clothes.
  3. Happy Birthday to my friend Josie. Hope you enjoyed hanging at the Green Iggy. I surely did!
  4. Today drained me out emotionally. Although I know I'm not saying a permanent goodbye to my friends at First Baptist Lutz, I am greatly saddened not to be worshiping and serving alongside them each week.
  5. Looking forward to moving in with Tonya. My new neighbor has a pretty loud stereo at the moment. It will be nice to live in a house again after 7 years of apartment living.
  6. A couple of weeks ago I posted a status on Facebook that started a debate about God's humor and His will. Not really sure why I was accused of being irreverent when I said "God has a weird sense of humor." but there you have it. As I was writing a blog about the ridiculousness of the whole thing, one of the people involved contacted me. I am still not sure why she felt she had to "defend her God and His word" against such an attack. And why, for heaven's sake, she thought it WAS an attack is beyond me. I believe I really will write more on this later in the week. After my homework is completed, of course.
That's it for now. More to come.


Wednesday, September 2, 2009

the highlight of my week...

well, there was more than one, so here goes...

Monday: Went out to Zephryhills Correctional Institute with the FBL choir and did our worship musical for the prisoners. They were awesome, and we had an absolute BLAST!! Best experience I've ever had participating as a worship leader.

Wednesday: The Bloggess finally published one of my questions. Just so you know, it was a joke (unless you actually ASK me about my ex -- then I'll get all stabby on you), and her response gave me the BEST belly laugh.