So I haven't quite gotten the hang of blogging on a daily basis since so much has been happening this year. Which of course means I should be blogging more...but o well.
Recently someone walked up to me in church and told me I looked "radiant". I was blown away by what I considered a wonderful compliment. I realized then that I wasn't as positive a person as I should be. Life was difficult and I didn't hold back when people asked me how I was doing. Scary. I never wanted to become an Eeyore christian. You know, the ones you see coming and you KNOW they will have a litany of prayer requests. Life is never good for these Don and Debbie Downers. They simply thrive on the drama of going through "trials".
Don't deny you know these people! You probably cross the street when you spot them down the block. Go up a different aisle at church to avoid their pew. I had somehow become that drama filled, God is TESTING me, please come soon and put me out of my misery kind of Christians. I started getting tired of my own complaints.
I bounced into a certain amount of euphoria when the tension of my marriage snapped and we finally separated. For several weeks I walked three feet off the ground. Everything that had been a problem before we separated, was suddenly not my problem anymore. It was his. I was no longer responsible for him too, just for me.
During the six months that have passed since he moved out, I have processed a lot of different emotions. I went through the five stages of grief, no doubt about it. I also learned what addition looks like, that I wasn't crazy, he does have a problem -- and no -- I am NOT responsible for his decisions.
Since October, I have felt this press towards prayer. I have finally caved and I am puposeful about getting up in the morning and spending time with God. The results have been incredible. Why, why, why did I NOT do this before?? My emotional rollercoaster is over. When I'm happy, I pray. When I'm sad, I pray. When something or someone is on my mind, I pray.
When someone asks me how I'm doing now, I always say "Fabulous!" I get a lot of very strange looks as people try to figure out if I am being sarcastic or not. Now when I approach people, suddenly its not about me. Its about them. How can I help them, pray for them, encourage them? Life has become focused on God, what He is doing in my life, and what he is doing in the lives of the people around me. To me, that awesome compliment mentioned above meant that I was finally reflecting my Savior as I should. Every day is a gift from God. Even the not so good ones -- the ones that leave me drained. I know my Creator, Redeemer, Brother, Friend and Lover is right there with me. I carry Him in my heart, and so I know - even in the middle of pain - happiness.