Saturday, February 14, 2009

Its not about me...

This has been a week of extreme highs, tempered by a very low low. The week started out with a sick day. From Sunday afternoon until Monday evening, I battled fevers off and on, and experienced some severe insomnia.

Tuesday I was back to work, and happy to feel good again! When I picked up my mail I noticed I had a thick envelope from my credit union. I dropped everything on the living room floor when I walked in the door to open that envelope. It was the title to my car!! I was sooooo excited. This was a huge milestone in the debt payoff journey. One less thing to worry about!

Wednesday I gave my 10th speech at Toastmasters. The speech was to be inspirational and last 8-10 minutes, no notes. I talked a lot about the past year, the things I have learned about myself and how you never know how tough you can be until you are called on to be tough. I received so much positive feedback from my audience. It was worth going out on a limb to talk about that raw of an experience if that experience can help one other person.

Friday I had lunch with my accountability partner. She is such a blessing to me!! She shared how being accountable for reading is helping her to be less reactive in some of the negative situations she encounters, and how she handles those situations so much better than she has in the past. Best of all, she is now sharing with her mom, and her mom is growing too! How awesome is GOD??

Friday we also received notice that one of our employees was on board the flight that crashed in Buffalo. I recognized the name of the employee, and suspected I had assisted her the day before. I wasn't sure I wanted to know if that was the case, so I didn't try to search for the ticket. Approximately 15 minutes before my shift ended, my manager pulls up a chair. He said he wanted to touch base with me over the news of the crash. He said it was all very sad, and asked me if I realized I had provided support to her the day before. I indicated that I had, and said nothing more. He then said he wanted to make sure I was ok. I said I was. He then said that I had probably helped her with her expenses the day before, perhaps just minutes before she boarded the plane. I closed the conversation by thanking him for stopping by to check on me, but inside I began to seeth with rage. It wasn't that he confirmed what I really didn't want to know, it was the manner in which he did it. I then pulled up the ticket, and the conversation came flooding back.

1. I had helped her with a billing issue, not expenses.
2. I remember initially wishing I could hang up and not deal with the questions she was asking, but forced myself to be patient, and ended by giving her a few pointers on how to locate information.
3. I don't think I talked to her minutes before she boarded the plane, but I did help her in the last 6 hours of her life. I hope that I helped to make her last day a better day.

I left, still a little upset with my manager, but regained my poise when I realized that its not about me. Its about the One who made me, the One who created all life. The One who has the power to give life, and take it away. I went home humbled and really conscience of the fact that we all need to be loving and kind, no matter how badly we want to be rude, because we never know how our behaviour will affect others.

Friday night at home I pulled up my email and realized that I had an even closer connection to that crash than I had realized. One of our church members was the copilot on the flight. His wife teaches sunday school, and his kids are in the youth group. Suddenly grief has a face. More than ever, I realize its not about me. As our church comes alongside and ministers to the family, I am proud to be a follower of Christ, and proud to be a part of a missions-oriented body of believers. I can only pray for the people who are affected by this tragedy. There are no words that can heal the pain; however, kindness, compassion, and love will ease the burden for them. Its not about me, its about being Christ to someone in need.

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