Positive Post Tuesday

A few very random shout-outs and a really important message from me to you at the bottom, so keep reading even if your bored.

Happy Anniversary to:
1. My mom and dad celebrating 52 years yesterday.
2. My sister and her husband celebrating 24 years yesterday.

Happy 2nd Birthday to my niece, Sophia. I love you, miss you and wish I was there.

Happy Graduation to my niece, Kayla. I'm proud of you!!

Positive Post Tuesday is pretty self explanatory. If you had asked me a few days ago what was brewing in my writer's brain I would have looked at you blankly and said "I'm never posting again." However, I do find myself with something to say, and if you think it's targeted at you, you MIGHT be right, but that's between you and God. Recently I have observed multiple friends going through excruciating life changes. My heart breaks for their heartbreak, and I want to tell them:

The pain that you are up against right now is temporary. It is transient. I promise that God is big enough that He can hold you through anything and everything. I know you feel alone. I know that you are lonely. I know that you are grieving. I know that you never wanted to face what you are facing by yourself. Here's the good news: You are NOT alone. He is wrapping His arms of love around you and whispering "Let go and let me have it." God wants you to offer up your pain. He wants you to trust Him that the plan and the purpose He is working out in your life is so much bigger and better than you could think or imagine. My best friend has a saying: "Run to the Throne, not to the phone!" It's the best advice I can give you right now.

Give yourself permission to grieve. Give yourself permission to be angry. Give yourself permission to take time to be alone and to become fully reliant on God. It is only by walking through this fire that you will come out on the other end, refined like gold, shining and beautiful and strong. Then you will clearly see other people in pain, walking through the fire, and offer them the same words of encouragement and advice. You will know because you have been there. Meantime, be patient with yourself. Healing does not happen overnight, even though we wish it would.

Always remember: you are beautiful, you are worthy, and you are loved. God thinks you're worth His life, and He is always right.

From Amy Grant to you via my blog:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nMvvoXa9Yk

God loves a lullaby
In a mothers tears in the dead of night
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.
God loves the drunkards cry,
The soldiers plea not to let him die
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

The woman holding on for life,
The dying man giving up the fight
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes
The tears of shame for what's been done,
The silence when the words won't come
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah
Better than a church bell ringing,
Better than a choir singing out,singing out.

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah


Repeat Chorus

(((HUGS)))
G

God's Original Masterpeice.

God doesn't make junk. Get a better internal language, and talk to God about your issues.

Watch the video. It's powerful.

God's Original Masterpiece

Bitterness...

Ok, I'll admit it. Its the area I need to turn over to God. I'm working on it. Ephesians says:

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:31-32

I don't have a problem being tenderhearted. I am that way with my worst enemy. I can't stand to see anyone in pain. But it doesn't stop me from being bitter, hurt and angry when I feel betrayed. I know that God works all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose, so I know that God is working through people to hone me into the woman He wants me to be.

The problem is I have imaginary arguments with these people in my head. Sometimes I am cutting them down with cold hard logic, sometimes I am screaming angrily, berating them and killing them with words. In my head, the people who have "done me wrong" not only hurt me directly, but my lively imagination leads me to believe they are in collusion with others. In my imagination, they have conversations with others where I am the topic of derision. This is a lie of Satan, but it breeds bitterness, hurt and anger.

Some days are better than others. I see these people the way God sees them: as people who are also hurting. But some days the hurt and pain take over and its all I can do to get out of bed. I have a tremendous amount of pride, and I would never want someone to know just how badly I've been hurt by something they said or did. All I can say is God is working on me. I can only continuously turn this over to Him.

Last night in my lifegroup someone made the comment "You never know what is going on in someone's head. They can be all smiles and happiness on the outside, and inside they are a bundle of pain." My head snapped up and I thought, "Man, you just said a MOUTHFUL!"

So when someone does something to you, talks about you, slanders you, or is just plain rude and hurtful, remember my friend Josie's favorite saying: "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." Turn it over to God. Remember Ephesians 4:31-32. More than that, remember Jesus went through all of this too.

Blessed....

So its been a raw week...lots of ups and downs. It started last Wednesday when I woke up a 4am feeling like I had razor blades in my throat. Turns out it was a sinus infection. Caught it fairly early, so I should be in good shape for not missing work. Plus, found out the official weight loss is up to 72lbs. Not a bad day. I'm contagious, so I get to work from home on Wednesday.

Thursday I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a Mac truck. Called out sick. Slept most of the morning. I ended up going to class Thursday night, only because I was getting a little stir crazy in my apartment. I had a scheduled day off on Friday, so I slept in, took it easy.

Friday night and Saturday morning, FBL had a Women's Conference called: Women who Trust. It was awesome!! For me, it was confirmation that I heard God correctly when I heard Him tell me to change churches and move to Riverview. I am taking a leap of dangerous faith since I love living by myself, and would never have thought that being in a new church would be a good thing for me at this stage in my life.

Saturday night (still feeling pretty yukky) I went to The Crossing for service. Now, I'm a little stubborn, and rather passive-aggressive at times. When I knew God was calling me there, I got an attitude...I was thinking, "Okay, God, I'll go, cause you're telling me. I'll even be happy because I know it's Your will, but I'm NOT jumping right into ANYTHING. I'll get involved after my divorce care class is over." (That will be in December.) The message was all about getting involved in a LifeCare group. NOW. Oy vey, I give up. I'm not going to stubbornly ignore God THIS time -- Life's too painful when I do that.

Sunday I slept in for the first time in almost 5 years...it was lovely.

My emotions really are on a roller coaster at the moment. It's better now than it was a month ago, when I was wallowing in my funk. I think it'll be a couple of more weeks until they stabilize again. I've been badly hurt, and I need to take time to heal. (Divorce care says 1 year for every 4 years of marriage...) One thing I've learned: I can't rush the healing process. (Cue the music: Only LOVE can Break the HEART, only LOVE can MEND it agaaaiiinnnn.) I've been broken, and only God and His love can put me back together, and make me function better than before.

(((HUGS)))
G