I wish I was perfect. I'm not. That's not a news flash to anyone who reads this blog, I'm sure. I do not listen to Christian music exclusively. I do read Jenny the Bloggess with all her irreverence and thoroughly enjoy the sarcastic humor she and her audience display. I use the phrase LMAO, and I do say the word ASS (Sorry if that offends you). In traffic I have been known to call people donkeys because they do something I think is stupid. O, and yeah, while my potty mouth has cleaned up drastically in the last two years, every once in a while the f-bomb drops when I least expect it. Sometimes I do or say or write things that cause other people unnecessary pain. I just wish that God would put a gag over my mouth and only let me say or do the things that He wants me to say or do. Nothing more, nothing less. But then, there would be no need for His grace, would there?
If we were all perfect, we wouldn't need grace. We wouldn't need Jesus. We wouldn't need the incredible sacrifice He made on the cross. If we were all perfect, we wouldn't have free will. Since He would be making all the choices for us, we wouldn't get a say. I wouldn't get to choose where I live. I wouldn't get to choose whether to sit at home and be alone, or to go out with my friends and enjoy a movie. I have heard over and over that we are supposed to consult Him on every decision we make, down to the smallest detail. Am I alone in struggling with this?? Surely God doesn't care if I purchase pure white sugar or stevia. How 'bout Diet Coke with Cherry vs Diet Coke with Lime?
Free will is awesome, but it can lead to us making choices that hurt other people. It can lead to public failures, and equally public apologies. It can lead to self-indulgent, selfish choices that benefit no one (including the choice maker). But it can also lead to incredibly beautiful things. The choice to step up and be a hero in the face of great disasters. The choice to serve a greater good by joining the armed forces and fighting for an ideal that is hard to express, but defines a way of life. The choice to love even when your rights are being violated. The choice to pray for people who have used or manipulated you. The choice to believe God is real and loves you even when you feel overwhelming evidence that He is not, and does not.
When it's all said and done, I'll take imperfection and free will over perfection and no choice. I will continue to make mistakes, and the people affected by those mistakes will either choose to forgive or not, based on their own free will. I learn from my mistakes -- sometimes in very hard and bitter ways -- but I would rather make a right or wrong choice, and endure either the good or the bad that emerges from that choice, then to have no choice to make. I am flawed. I am imperfect. I own that imperfection and strive to be better. I strive to overcome and be more like Christ. None of my imperfections are enough to separate me from the love of Christ Jesus. Nothing I can do or say will make Him turn away and say "I disown you". Instead, He is gentle and kind. He disciplines me when I need it, and He loves on me always. I am His beloved daughter. Someday I will be perfect, just not today.
(((HUGS)))
G
Showing posts with label God's discipline. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God's discipline. Show all posts
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Misc...
So much is going on, and its been a while since I posted...so here's a few random thoughts as teasers.
- Easter was incredible. Spent the whole weekend in church. Good Friday was a Communion Service (AMAZING). Since I was in the choir, I had to be back at 3:15pm on Saturday to practice for the Saturday night services. I was there until 9pm. Went home, slept and was back in church at 7:30 for another practice, followed by prayer time, followed by 3 more services. It was exhausting, exhilarating, and quite awesome.
- God is amazing. All the time. Last night I really received confirmation that I am supposed to become an Encourager at church. It's the perfect way for me to serve in ministry.
- I have a test on Saturday and I am avoiding studying by posting this blog.
- I have learned that I MUST wait on God, and not try to force things to happen because I think they should.
- I am learning submission. It's hard. I don't always like it. But I'm still learning.
- My deposit for South Africa is due on 4/16.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Stats Stink Sunday...
Seriously, if you don't know the drill, dive into my archives...
1. Still on the emotional rollercoaster. Only thing I can say is I'm taking this one moment at a time. Right now I'm great, but an hour from now, maybe not. So just taking it moment by moment and looking to God, my creator, to help me sort it all out. At this point there are a very large number of things going on that make me feel like I'm getting hit on all sides. I am leaning heavily on the Word and on God's truth. Otherwise, I'd be writing this from a mental institution.
2. On Tuesday, out of crippling depression, came a "modern" story that I needed to write for my lit class. It is one of the best things I have ever written. I wonder if I need to trade in my happy self for some real writing talent. I think I'd rather be happy. There was nothing really encouraging about the story I wrote. (and because of that, no, I WON'T be publishing it here...)
3. My apartment is a mess of empty boxes and stuff sitting in stacks all over. I can't wait to move already. Could have something to do with all the mood swings -- I prefer stability, and right now I feel pretty unstable.
4. Since I have always eaten emotionally, I am speculating that a lot of the depression and mood swings is also coming out of the weight loss. As the layers of fat are coming off, so are the emotions they used to suppress... I really need to start working out again. It will get the endorphins going.
5. God is good, all the time. I posted yesterday about struggling with bitterness. I went to church last night and the pastor was talking about reaping what you sow. I realize that I am an overcomer in Christ, and what I am currently sowing in my walk with God will yield good harvest 10 years from now. If I continue to sow seeds of bitterness and hatred, I will reap a sour harvest at some point in the future. God will not let us wallow in sin and self indulgence. He will intervene for the good of His children. He sent me Ephesians 4:31-32 to highlight an area I need to work on. As I turn this over to Him daily, I can recognize the lies of the enemy much faster, and remove the bad seed.
6. I am totally procrastinating my homework, so I'm closing this NOW. :0) Stay tuned for more "deep thoughts" (not really) later in the week.
(((HUGS)))
G
1. Still on the emotional rollercoaster. Only thing I can say is I'm taking this one moment at a time. Right now I'm great, but an hour from now, maybe not. So just taking it moment by moment and looking to God, my creator, to help me sort it all out. At this point there are a very large number of things going on that make me feel like I'm getting hit on all sides. I am leaning heavily on the Word and on God's truth. Otherwise, I'd be writing this from a mental institution.
2. On Tuesday, out of crippling depression, came a "modern" story that I needed to write for my lit class. It is one of the best things I have ever written. I wonder if I need to trade in my happy self for some real writing talent. I think I'd rather be happy. There was nothing really encouraging about the story I wrote. (and because of that, no, I WON'T be publishing it here...)
3. My apartment is a mess of empty boxes and stuff sitting in stacks all over. I can't wait to move already. Could have something to do with all the mood swings -- I prefer stability, and right now I feel pretty unstable.
4. Since I have always eaten emotionally, I am speculating that a lot of the depression and mood swings is also coming out of the weight loss. As the layers of fat are coming off, so are the emotions they used to suppress... I really need to start working out again. It will get the endorphins going.
5. God is good, all the time. I posted yesterday about struggling with bitterness. I went to church last night and the pastor was talking about reaping what you sow. I realize that I am an overcomer in Christ, and what I am currently sowing in my walk with God will yield good harvest 10 years from now. If I continue to sow seeds of bitterness and hatred, I will reap a sour harvest at some point in the future. God will not let us wallow in sin and self indulgence. He will intervene for the good of His children. He sent me Ephesians 4:31-32 to highlight an area I need to work on. As I turn this over to Him daily, I can recognize the lies of the enemy much faster, and remove the bad seed.
6. I am totally procrastinating my homework, so I'm closing this NOW. :0) Stay tuned for more "deep thoughts" (not really) later in the week.
(((HUGS)))
G
Sunday, September 20, 2009
God's Discipline...
Last Saturday was my first official weekend at the Crossings. I was feeling a little stabby and resentful about going, and was having a very passive-aggressive reaction. I told God, "Ok, I'll GO to services, and attend Divorce Care, but I'm NOT getting involved in any other way until after Divorce Care is over!!" Yeah, right.
Last weekend's service was all about getting involved in a "life group". Life groups are small groups that meet in someone's home once a week. The Crossing has hundreds to choose from, depending on the night you prefer meeting, and the area where you want to meet. Pastor Greg was talking about how you need the protection, challenge and accountability of strong fellowships, referencing Ecclesiastes 4:8-12 (among others).
They had a kiosk set up in the lobby with pamphlets for each life group. I grabbed a pamphlet for the only South Tampa meeting on a Friday night, and a few that are meeting down in Riverview. Since I'm not moving until the end of October, I was on the fence about where to go and what to do. On Sunday, I called the couple hosting the South Tampa life group, and had to leave a message. I called again Tuesday night, no answer. I was a little wary at this point, and wasn't sure what to do. Friday morning I finally got a call back: somehow she had missed my message from Sunday and had just listened to it that morning.
I went, and was overwhelmed by how God works in each and every one of our lives. The group varies in age and their stories are soooo powerful. I felt instantly at home with all of these people, and the sense of community is awesome. I can definitely see that I am going to be challenged to grow and develop in this church. God knows what He is doing: I am being ministered to in divorce care on Tuesday nights (and yes, I definitely need this -- I have no idea why I was in denial for so long), and I am going to be challenged to dig deeper into the Word on Friday nights and in Sunday services.
The church has a couple of really cool classes. One is for new believers, called The Journey, which teaches basic Bible facts, and gets them settled on a firm Biblical foundation. The other is for newcomers, called 26.2, which helps them uncover their spiritual gifts and meet the leaders of the different ministries so they can get plugged in to serve. The next 26.2 starts October 11, and I will be going.
I am blessed beyond measure, and I know that God's discipline is painful when it comes, but it is always for our GOOD. I am so excited about the future!!
Last weekend's service was all about getting involved in a "life group". Life groups are small groups that meet in someone's home once a week. The Crossing has hundreds to choose from, depending on the night you prefer meeting, and the area where you want to meet. Pastor Greg was talking about how you need the protection, challenge and accountability of strong fellowships, referencing Ecclesiastes 4:8-12 (among others).
They had a kiosk set up in the lobby with pamphlets for each life group. I grabbed a pamphlet for the only South Tampa meeting on a Friday night, and a few that are meeting down in Riverview. Since I'm not moving until the end of October, I was on the fence about where to go and what to do. On Sunday, I called the couple hosting the South Tampa life group, and had to leave a message. I called again Tuesday night, no answer. I was a little wary at this point, and wasn't sure what to do. Friday morning I finally got a call back: somehow she had missed my message from Sunday and had just listened to it that morning.
I went, and was overwhelmed by how God works in each and every one of our lives. The group varies in age and their stories are soooo powerful. I felt instantly at home with all of these people, and the sense of community is awesome. I can definitely see that I am going to be challenged to grow and develop in this church. God knows what He is doing: I am being ministered to in divorce care on Tuesday nights (and yes, I definitely need this -- I have no idea why I was in denial for so long), and I am going to be challenged to dig deeper into the Word on Friday nights and in Sunday services.
The church has a couple of really cool classes. One is for new believers, called The Journey, which teaches basic Bible facts, and gets them settled on a firm Biblical foundation. The other is for newcomers, called 26.2, which helps them uncover their spiritual gifts and meet the leaders of the different ministries so they can get plugged in to serve. The next 26.2 starts October 11, and I will be going.
I am blessed beyond measure, and I know that God's discipline is painful when it comes, but it is always for our GOOD. I am so excited about the future!!
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